An update for Random Updates

It's been awhile since I updated you on our randomness...

Mostly because life hasn't been that random. Our days are filled with the intentionality of waiting...for a baby, for immigration, for jobs. And while we are waiting, we are also enjoying the minute, the hour, the day.

So, random update #1:

If you don't know already, I heart the blog Jones Design Company. If you haven't checked it out yet, you must. This lady (her name is Emily) is creative and fun and just lovely. So, pleae click on the name of her blog and check it out...or, I always have her listed as an inspiring blog on the right of my own blog.

Random update #2: A baby name

Nope, I'm not going to announce the name we've chosen on the blog, although the name isn't a secret and if you're up on the meaning of names, you might could guess the name we've chosen.

And while this may not seem so random, the other day I was praying for wisdom and peace and then thought: that's our baby's name; wisdom and peace. Just seems so fitting for this time in our lives.

Random update #3:

I sleep better when I nap during the day than I do at night.

Random update #4:

We start la maze classes this Wednesday and tomorrow we have a hospital tour complete with a free dinner. The free dinner is actually the main reason why we are going, although I am fairly interested in knowing where to go when I go into labor.

Random update #5:

We bought a changing table dresser (used) for our baby. It's old, but in good condition and I can't wait to start filling it with her clothes, diapers, and lotions so we can change her sweet buns!

And that's about it for Random Updates...thanks for reading. Really...I'm so thankful that you read and view and comment.

When I can't sleep in the middle of the night...

Galatians 1: lullabies

the middle of the night and
i wake up.
a light shimmers in
my room, escaping the boundaries
of the neighbor’s back porch.
i toss and turn on a
sea of bedcovers in time
with the racing beat of my heart.

with my big toe, i peel off
a sock, and then do the same
for the other foot.
this peeling, pulling off layers,
cools me down, leaves me exposed.
i remember who i am,
is the same as who i want to be.

the good news reaches in,
a magic touch
grace.
a thousand other voices
and their expectations
are quieted
by the truth.

i sleep again
only to wake in the morning
to find myself
cradled.

Round with excitement, swollen with joy

My sister told me that this little guy



said to her the other day:

Did you know that Jesus is coming back?

And that made me think about when I first knew or realized or was told that Jesus is coming back. I don't remember when I found out...it just feels like I've always known.

I wish I could recall when I learned this news. Or maybe, as an adult, being told for the first time that Jesus will return for His Bride...the amazement, the joy, the excitement.

It's unbelievable truth. It's hope.

And I rarely think about it. I don't live in that reality.

Jesus is coming back.

And that is good news. But not because of the rescue or the relief it promises. The good news is that when He returns, we'll be with Him.

It may not be in my life-time, but He's coming again and it is great news.

And, it feels far away. He promised His return 2,000 years ago. Over those millennia the signs He told us to look for have been read and hundreds of men and women have promised that on a certain date or at a certain time, Jesus would be back. And He hasn't come back.

Yet.

So within all the hundreds of years of waiting and the decades and decades of history, we find ourselves.

Trusting in that return.

The other day I had to have an echo(ultrasound) of our baby's heart. Statistically speaking, because of my age, there are certain birth defects that can be detected through ultrasounds or blood tests...or an amnio. Because of the invasiveness of an amnio, we didn't do that test. And so, all these other tests.

I lay on the bed, while the ultrasound tech used her camera and pressed hard on my swollen belly, and craned my neck to see the four beating chambers of a pea-sized heart. Our room was mostly quiet, as the tech couldn't tell me anything about what she saw. And as she finished, she said that a doctor would review the ultrasound and then be in touch with my doctor withing two weeks. Good-bye.

That was it.

Walking into that room, I was mostly confident that everything was fine with our baby. I still am confident that everything is fine. But not hearing anything that day rattled me. I hadn't expected to have to wait.

Jesus is coming back. Did we expect to have to wait so long?

And while I craned my neck to see a beating heart and stretched my patience in the wait, I heard these words: I am with you always.

That Jesus is coming back gives us hope, it strengthens our faith, causes us to grow round with excitement, swollen with joy.

Here's some news that may just be as good: He is always with us.

As we anticipate and wait and hope and struggle and live, we aren't alone.

He is always with us.

When the anticipation is long. When the signs we read don't equal the return we thought would happen. When the struggle hardly seems worth the promise of a long-time gone Savior.

He is always with us.

Like His return, it's something I've always known. Remembering that He is with me, with us, it's the Bride waiting for her wedding day, the mama waiting for her baby to be born.

I am round with excitment, swollen with joy.

Baby bedding...

My sister asked me for some pictures of the sari blanket that I'm basing our baby bedding around. So, I thought I'd just post about it on the blog and give proper credit to Sari Bari who made the blanket and are in the business of freedom. Here's a link to their amazing and beautiful website. Please check it out...SARI BARI

The basic idea around the company is to give women caught in the sex trade in Kolkata an alterate way of making a living that gives them dignity and freedom.

So, this baby blanket has basically been the only thing we've had to buy for our baby so far. And we didn't even have to buy it! I just wanted to and I loved the idea of wrapping our baby in something that gave to others.

On the other hand, the crib bumper, crib skirt, basinet, and crib sheets we've chosen are all major baby brands. But, if we don't get them, it's no big deal. However, they are all the same sage color, except I went with some pink sheets because...she's a girl! Also, my mom is cross-stitching a baby quilt with a pink chenile backing...so the girl will have some pink.

I'm so thankful that while I may not have a home of our own to bring our baby girl to when she is born, I can at least create a sactuary of a bed where I hope she knows rest and comfort and love.

After watching a documentary about:

Derrida





you ask to talk in specifics
of that which cannot be described.
what is love?
i can give you dates
a time when i first saw him.
but the falling in love-
it is not named-
as much as it sits here
between us
in this moment
as it did then
and has.


I wrote this several years ago, but after having fallen in love with my husband, it is more true today than it was then.

With a friend

Getting married later in life means that more often than not the friends you've had most of your life have already had their children. At least, that's been true for me.

Except for my friend Kris.

She and her husband tried to have a baby for 12 years (!), and then this little doll baby came around.




I married about a year after this baby girl was born and almost immediately Kris and I began to hope that we would be pregnant at the same time.

Well, we are. She's about 5 weeks ahead of me...although you'd never know it from our size.



It's great being pregnant with a friend, and especially one who is my age. Kris will be 40 in just a couple weeks (although she looks 15) and can empathize with the saying I've now coined when someone asks how I am: I'm old and pregnant...

(I usually only respond that way with good friends as I don't want to appear to be complaining. I'm so grateful to be pregnant...and now that all the WWW has heard how I feel, well...perhaps you can all consider yourselves my good friends.)

So, I just want to say how thankful I am to be pregnant with my good friend. It's fun to consider names together, to crave the same foods, we even go to the same doctor! I'm just so grateful.

Books I've Read since June 2010

Just the other day I asked this question on Facebook:

What does it mean when I'd rather spend money on fiction books than on child-rearing books?

People responded with lots of comments...

So far, the only child-rearing book I've read is Babywise. And while I may not follow it to the letter, it was helpful in giving me an idea as how to figure out a baby's schedule...cuz I'd like this little one to sleep through the night as soon as reasonably possible.

I was a nanny for 5 years, a teacher for 3, have 10 nieces and nephews, not to mention all my friends who have kids...I think I'll be okay when it comes to child-rearing practices. If not, then I'll make Bela (my husband) read the books and give me a short synopsis. :) (p.s. Please do not infer that I think I know everything about raising kids. I don't...just have probably more of a headstart than most).

Okay, so, my reading list since June 2010.

Sorry, I didn't write down the authors nor am I supplying links to the books as I have in the past. However, if you do a search on Amazon via the titles, I'm sure you'll find the books. I'm highlighting the books in BOLD type that I especially liked. Also, those that are non-fiction are marked with an **.

Caretakers of our Common House**
Icy Sparks
SWAN THIEVES
THE HISTORIAN
The Lemon Tree
Garden Spells
I KNOW THIS MUCH IS TRUE
THE HOUR I FIRST BELIEVED
Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet
Two Pence to Cross the Mersey
By the Waters of Liverpool
Love is an Orientation**
Pilgramage of a Soul**
Here Burns my Candle
WHITETHORN WOODS
Tisha
Babywise
FALL ON YOUR KNEES
Trudy's Promise


Why I especially like a book may vary in reason. Perhaps I just think the author had an original idea and I was swept up in the story or the dialogue was very good or the writing was flavorful.

I wish I would have kept track of pages read because a lot of these books were page heavy...

Anyway...a new year, a new batch of books. I hope. Even if they are child-rearing ones.

If you have any books you've especially enjoyed, I'd love to know what they are! Please comment and share them with me.

Romania II

When I think of Romania, I think of her...

Romania II – Mihaela

I went looking for her today-
That brown girl,
With those brown eyes,
And crazy high cheekbones.

And I found her-
Hair matted and dirty,
Eyes still brown and sparkling.
She ran to me
And into my arms
And we held one another
For a long time.

I asked if she was going to school-
And she said yes.
I looked into her eyes deep-
And she said no.
At 9, she stays home to care for
Younger siblings-
So her twin brother can go to school,
So her mom can work at the town dump,
Sorting trash, in her colorful skirts,
So her father can hang out, chewing sunflower seeds.

As I smoothed her hair,
I told her we were leaving.
She asked why,
But her brother ran up and
She forgot the question.
I was relieved
Because sometimes I just don’t know the answer anymore.

She ran to grab her toddler sister
Who was coming frighteningly close
To the horse that was kept in the
Tiny cement courtyard.
And I let her go.

When she returned,
I said good-bye, kissed her forehead
And said: I love you, take care of yourself.
I left, hiding my sobs
Wanting to take her with me,
Wanting to rescue her,
Knowing that no matter how well I spoke Romanian,
No matter how well I tutored her-
It wouldn’t matter.
Short of abduction,
There will be no rescue.

And hidden in my sobs was this cry:
Rescue her.
Abduct her heart,
Speak softly her name,
Until she recognizes the voice of Love
And hides in its salvation.



These words are truly imperfect as I continue to feel so raw over what has been left behind...

30 weeks

I know there are things to blog about besides my pregnancy.

At least I think there are.

And hopefully I'll find those other things and blog about them again.

Another day.

But yesterday we had another ultrasound. Our first in 10 weeeks. Once again our little one was difficult. I'd read earlier in the day that often a mom can tell the personality of her baby by the was he or she moves in the womb.

Well, she gave us the foot.



And the back of her head.

She's gonna be just like her mother. :)

But finally, she gave us the top of her face.

Can you see her eyeball sockets? And her nose? And lips?



Neither can I.

Still, when I saw her tiny tibia and little femur I thought: I don't know how to say thank you.

And I don't.

And then, there's this:

I also had my glucose test (sp?) yesterday at a lab in a part of the city where I haven't spent much time. Let's just say, I think I was the only white girl in the place for the more than an hour it took to have the test done.

And as I sat waiting, a man came wheeling through on a wheel chair that was on the less-than-expensive side. My guess is, he didn't have a lot of money. Neither do I, which is why I was at this lab in the first place.

But the hat on this wheel chair totin; old man's head said: God is good.

And that's about the only way I know how to say thank you right now: God is good.

Here's a picture Bela took a couple weeks ago of me in San Diego...28 weeks pregnant. It was a beautiful day.