Friday, March 11, 2011

Some things I want to say...

My mind of late is very much on having a baby, our baby. The one that's due in just a little over a week. And since her arrival is so close I've realized that there are a few things I've wanted to say before she arrives.

As most of you know, I married at a more mature age :); I was 38. Knowing that the window of opportunity in which to conceive was growing small, my husband and I decided not to wait to have children as we both knew that we really wanted kids.

It took a year for us to conceive. It was a difficult as well as amazing time in so many ways. Hard because we just didn't know if having biological children would happen for us. Great because it was our first year of marriage and we enjoyed to the full our time alone together.

Still, that shadow of unknowing about children hovered over us. Especially over me.

In June of 2010 we made a trip to the states to visit supporters, see family, and attend a retreat with Word Made Flesh, our mission organization. Being from Southern California, part of our time was spent basking in a California summer.

Which included going to the church in which I grew up.

We only had one Sunday there and I was soaking up the worship time. The primary burden of my heart at that moment was my empty womb. It felt like an emtpy tomb. And not in the resurrection sense, but in a way that the women must have felt when they first stumbled across the tomb Jesus was supposed to occupy...simply empty with no trace of a body or any other sign of life.

The band began to sing 'Mighty to Save' and I found myself weeping. Here's the song with lyrics:

Those words: He rose and conquered the grave...

And: Savior, He can move the mountains, He is mighty to save...

Even this empty womb I was carrying He had conquered in His resurrection. Jesus, in all His resurrection power, was mighty to save what could very well be vaccant all my life.

I knew as I worshiped that should I never carry a child, He would still redeem and raise from my empty womb life.

Before our baby is born, I wanted to say this...

And even as I sang this song and wept in church, my womb was already full with life. I didn't know it, but Bela and I had conceived a child.

I wrote something during that year of 'trying for a baby...'

It's from Genesis 17, 18, & 22.

When God said
take your son~
He did
Because he'd seen
an empty grave before~
a barren womb~
rise from the dead.
He knew
something could come from nothing~
and it was counted unto him as righteousness.

I heard a story
about my grandpa.
He laid his hands
on a man
who had lost
all feeling and movement in his arm.
Grandpa knew
something could come from nothing
and it was counted unto him as righteousness.

An old woman was made young again.
An arm ~ as good as dead, brought to life.

I know something can come from nothing.
May it be counted to me as righteousness.

My next several posts will most likely cover those things I want to say before our baby is please come back!

And, I want to say thanks for all your comments about our baby and our pregnancy. It always means so much to me to hear your responses to my thoughts and heart.


Joybird said...

This is beautiful and strikes deep as I have a promise of an God opened womb, but at days away from 35 and still single and down one ovary, I question my ears or my interpretation. I love your surrender and His reversal of your fortune. May it really be counted to you as righteousness.

John Koon said...

I'm so happy for you guys!

Rebecca said...

April, I only started reading your blog recently, but it is beautiful. I am so happy for you, Bela and baby. She is one very blessed little person to have you guys for parents. I hope all goes well in the next couple of weeks!

thegypsymama said...

Beautiful and powerful. What a testimony!

Our pregnancies are tracking too - fun to see who ends up going first :)


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