Wednesday, March 09, 2011

Random Updates at 38 Weeks: Humility and Hope

March 9, 2011

It's been almost 2 weeks since I posted anything (although I've had the best of intentions to post...something always comes up).

I've been thinking a lot about what this blog will look like as what our lives look like right now are what most would say are in transition, a holding pattern, a waiting, and yes, maybe even a humbling:

~38 weeks pregnant and about to be parents for the first time.
~Living with my parents and somehow we're making it work.
~No jobs.
~No green cards.
~We own just about nothing except a couple suitcases worth of clothes and books and art. Good thing we have just the one bedroom to fill!
~Working through what we want to do in the future.
~Figuring out how the past shapes us now.
~Remembering to grieve what we've left behind. (As if we could forget to do this...)
~Still holding close the faces of those we love in Galati.
~Making new friends, re-establishing old ones.
~Reminding ourselves that in many ways, we're still newly married.
~Keeping what's important, letting go of what isn't.

Not so random, really, these points I've made. They shape our daily lives, they'll form our future.

Not too many days from now, we'll welcome a sweet baby girl into our family of 2. We can hardly wait...but waiting we are. My body is swollen beyond recognition. When I see people I've known all my life in a store or at church, I usually have to remind them that it's me...I look that different. In some ways I'm struggling with gaining so much weight, and not just water retention (or edema) weight. Some really thoughtful people (and I'm not being sarcastic here) have bought me clothes and cut the tags out...clothes that are about 5 times too big and I think: do I really appear that huge to them? Or they say to me: I don't want to make you feel badly, but I've lost 10 pounds.

Today, though, I'm reveling in the what my body has done. It has created something for the first time. And me, almost 39! I've made a baby...not all on my own, but this body of mine that was formed and knitted has done the same. And while my feet and legs often feel like stumps and the weekly weigh-ins at the doctor's office can be hard, I stand amazed at what has been made.

And, in my very un-medical language, my doctor told me the water retention is a bodies way of preparing for the birth so that not too much blood is lost. The water dilutes the blood during childbirth, therefore preventing anemia.

How beautiful are the feet of them who bring good news...

In other pregnancy related news, at my doctor's appointment today we learned that our babe has dropped a bit and so she's getting ready to make her appearance!

Almost 2 weeks ago my sister and friends threw me a baby shower. It was so lovely and such a celebration of this gift of a baby girl. Think lots of pink!!! Lots of sweet clothes...and just a general sense of the holy as we gathered to recognize the Giver of all good things. I'll have more pictures to share of the shower on another day.

I've also been working on creating a space for our baby in the room we'll all be sharing and I have to say, it's turning out pretty darn cute. I made (or tried to make) some canvas art (idea taken from Jones the blog title for the tutorial) using prints by the artist Pauli Ebner. (again, click her name for more info.) I discovered her when Bela and I were in Paris last summer. While there I bought a few postcard sized prints and these we framed and hung beneath the canvas art with sage/pinkish ribbons. On the canvas art we've put our little girl's name and need to finish up the second canvas with the French for baby: bebe.

We bought or were given a couple baskets with a sage toile-ish look that I love and once we set up a crib, we'll use a sage bumper and bedskirt. For now, we're using this tiny bassinet (I say tiny because Bela finished putting it together, I cried for how small it is...thinking how little our baby will be for such a short time!)Oh, and I lined her dresser with pretty pink and green paper. You can also see the cross-stitched, chenile backed quilt my mom made for the baby hanging on the bassinet.

The only thing we've needed to buy for our baby is the dresser changing table (for $30 used). We've been so blessed to be given more than we ever thought possible...bassinet, crib, stroller, high chair, car seat, baby bouncer, slings, diapers, pack and play, diaper hamper, etc. And many of these have been given in duplicate (meaning, we are the proud owners of more than one).

Here are some pictures. Please forgive the sponge painted wall. About 14 years ago in a flurry of bad taste I sponged a wall in this room and, well, my decorative oversight has never been repaired.

This is turning into quite the post and if you're still with me I hope you'll read just a bit further.

I mentioned about this being a humbling time...and in many ways I guess it is. We can feel a bit lost at sea, if you will; no land in sight, catapulted by waves of the unknown, thirsty for something familiar, hungry for some certainty.

A friend said she said to her husband: can they (meaning us) be any more humbled?

I know that when we are humbled we are in the place where we are meant to be. We often think being humbled means we're doing something wrong, but I think that's a wrong view of humility.

Instead, this place is one where we live with hands open and raised to the God who provides. We are jostled at sea, but we are not lost. We are uncertain of what lies ahead, but we are certain of His provision. We wait, yes, we wait in humility and hope.

And into this place of humility and hope, we welcome our baby girl. The answer to so many prayers, a dream come true. I can't wait to gaze at her tiny face and say: see, even this He has provided.

Here are some maternity shots Bela and I took today (at 38 weeks). Please forgive me reveling in what is now a very pregnant body...or, just join in the revelry!


Stacy said...

Ohhh April... your post brought me to tears. I am soo hapyy for the both of you and excited because your baby is sooo blessed to be born into your family. Thank you for the words I needed to hear tonight.. "We are uncertain of what lies ahead, but we are certain of His provision. We wait, yes, we wait in humility and hope." Thanks :-)

Ellie Perez said...

I'm reveling in it with you too! You're gorgeous and so close to the end where you'll really get to finally enjoy it all! You can make it - we're all praying for health and safety!

zary ora productions said...

My sweet April... crying right now. I love your honesty and so appreciate you posting your thoughts and pictures of you and Bela. God fulfills his promises. I can't wait for you to hold your little baby and rejoice. Love you and miss you friend.

Mel (AKA Dad, Grampa) said...

I love you..and so proud to be your mom..can't wait for baby Sophie. We love having you three here with us.

jo said...

love u.

Courtney said...

such a beautiful post. and the photos are amazing. praying for you, bela and your sweet little girl, and the plans God is currently ironing out.

Mel (AKA Dad, Grampa) said...

You forgot to mention that your net worth in includes a snowboard. I'm sure it was just an oversight.

Jennifer said...

Beautiful post and beautiful pictures! My favorite picture is the one of you and Bela looking at each other. I love the name you've chosen for your baby girl too. She's going to be beautiful!

Thany said...

Thank you for writing your heart, always. My sister and her hubby are newly married, pregnant and walking a VERY unknown path. I sent her your words and they have encouraged her so so very much.

Please don't ever stop writing. I don't care if it is only once a month one you are a family of 3, your words will carry such blessings to those who need to read them.

angela said...

love! the baby space and all of the nesting things you've done look wonderful. thank you for sharing your and bela's beautiful story!

Callie Nicole said...

You look great and I love the pictures! The baby's space is so cute. I can't wait to see tour little girl- she'll be a cutie!

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