Wednesday, December 22, 2010

I've waited for this all of my life...

Lately I've been asked quite a bit if I like being pregnant.

I don't.

I kinda always thought I would like carrying a child. And, I don't.

Nausea still shadows me daily so I have to be sure to eat every couple hours and carry snacks with me. Gorgeous thick hair and beautiful skin still evade me. I've never broken out as bad as I do now. At 27 weeks my ankles and feet are swollen beyond recognition. In fact, I feel like my body is bloated and big beyond recognition.(I drink about a gallon of water a day....still, said swollen ankles). Sleeping is difficult at night due to strange pains in even stranger areas of my body that I did not think could hurt. I cry without notice. I'm angry without notice. I'm stressed without notice.

And yesterday I said to myself: I've waited for this child all my life.

And I thought: Perhaps creation was much the same as it waited for its King; bloated, fat, hurting, sleep deprived, angry, emotional, stressed, hungry, and broken.

Still, the earth had waited for this moment all its life.

The moment that changed everything.

I wouldn't change how hard this is for anything, not for what I'm being given in return.

I've waited for this all of my life...

And in these days before Christmas, when we reflect and remember and wait again for the birth of Jesus, I find that this ravaged body of mine is waiting in more than one way for a return to wholeness.

I've been waiting for that, too, all of my life.


Kristen Wilson said...

Wow really beautiful insite. And it will definitely be worth the wait...on both accounts. Well said girl, I do enjoy your writing. And for a little comradery pregnancy did not suite either yet I still managed four times :) Kristen (Haiston)

Denise Pearson said...

You are blessed and beautiful, April! Praying you have a wonderful CHRISTmas with your dear family :)
In HIM ~ Denise (Erickson) Pearson

Jeff and Aimee said...

I had a very hard time with pregnancy, too, April. I was incredibly uncomfortable in one way or another for the entire 18 months(2 kids). It is completely, undoubtedly, fantastically worth it, but it's still very difficult, so I know exactly where you're coming from. Hang in there, Girl. you're beautiful baby will be out of the belly and in your arms fairly soon. :)

la femme elisabeth said...

Love the parallel. Love you. You ARE glowing and beautiful, dear sister. I feel like you're reliving my first pregnancy. Exactly the same thus far...and we can hope she's not over 10lbs. ;)

Jennifer said...

Once the baby comes, hopefully your pregnancy will feel like a blink and you'll be so amazed at the miracle that God has given you and Bela!

Callie Nicole said...

What a beautiful comparison, April. I hope the rest of the pregnancy is more enjoyable for you though!

Stacy said...

sounds like each of my pregnancies.. I felt like I lived in a dark hole for 9 months x 3! But it is worth it and all that swelling will subside.. might have to wait till after the baby comes though..I lost between 25-30lbs. in 10 days post-partum.... I had major swelling. Praying for you :-)

JamieB said...

and don't you think God looked at us and saw beauty, still. otherwise, why would he save us?
that's how i see you. beautiful.

and i know pregnancy isn't always as romantic as it seems. i've been there, too.

and just as you are, i am thankful for this life that is being formed. how hard we prayed, cried, hurt until she was found out.

love you, lots and lots.

sunnycalgirl said...

Sorry you are having such a difficult time. I have five children and with each pregnancy ,I had no problems. I was thirty-nine with the youngest and she will be 21 on Christmas Eve..Enjoy the moment if you can..

jo said...

beautiful dear sweet sister!!!! And she is worth every pain, nausea, hunger, bloat......she is worth it all!!

Faye Yu said...

Beautifully written and wonderful insight. Hope that through the remain time, God will give you moments of rest.

ShooShoo said...

I didn't enjoy being pregnant, either, and felt guilty about it at the time (or like something must be wrong with me!). And just in case it happens to u too (so you're not too freaked out like I was), I got even *more* bloated/swollen the week *after* I had Summer. When my feet/ankles finally were normal again, I couldn't stop staring at them ...they looked so skinny! BTW, breast feeding really helps get the weight off, in addition to all the wonderful benefits for the baby. Hang in there girl, the love you'll experience is more than worth it!

-Sherri :)

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