Wednesday, September 29, 2010

The groan and the illumination

At the end of a day a thought awakens this deep ache in my soul:
I wish I could tell my grandparents.




Fred, who has been gone longer than I care to admit, in deep baritone, would rumble: Praise the Lord!

Because that's what he always said, because that's what he always meant.

And then, he'd hug me, his round tummy pressed against my heart ~ an embrace that can't be taken away no matter how much time has admittedly passed.

And maybe he'd say: I can't believe you're going to be a mom...the way he once said: I can't believe you're a teacher...the way he once told his freckle-faced, red-haired granddaughter: You're my little school girl.



And Grace, with her quiet smile and gentle twinkle would smile and giggle her glee.

She, who birthed her own children in mid-thirties would know the deep ache, the sighing relief, tripled by anxiety, softened with prayer.

Her hand would clasp mine and maybe she'd say: I never thought I'd see another great-grandchild.



The last thing Fred ever said to me was this:
We prayed for you everyday.




And while one thought ached my soul, the other gives it light: That those prayers, transcending seasons and years, would be as new and as old as if they were given yesterday; may they still reach the throne of God.

And here, wrapped in the groan and the illumination of the love that was the past and is the current, may my own child find a home in the prayers of my grandparents.






All these images were taken at the home of my husband's grandma in Romania; the same home where he spent most of his growing up years. She, too, is gone now and how we long to share our news with Irina.

I'm linking up with In the Hush of the Moon and Imperfect Prose Thursdays.

10 comments:

Brian Miller said...

nice. prayers across multiple generations...they sound like wonderful people and i would imagine would be proud...

Mel (AKA Dad, Grampa) said...

When Mom (Grace) died I had an empty spot in my soul. The last year of her life I would talk to here almost every day, calling from California to Texas. She urged me to do the AK project years ago so she could enjoy it. This past summer as I built thoughts of her entered my mind many evenings and I wished I could show her the construction, or even talk to her about the progress. Instead all we can do is look forward. How we long to imprint our own grandchildren; no simple task because they are so scattered. Dad and Mom

jo said...

missing them too. They are overjoyed --- the wonderful woman you are and the terrific mommy you will be. Come thou fount of every blessing.

Carrie Burtt said...

Oh the magnitude of the affect our Grandparents have in our lives...this whold post is a tribute to that...it warms my heart! :-)

Jodi said...

As a new grandma, this post encourages me. My grand-daughter lives on the other side of the country, but I can love her with my prayers.

Wandering On Purpose said...

This makes me cry and smile as I think of my beloved grandpa who died last year, just a few months after my son was born. I think often how I, not a daddy's girl but a grandpa's girl, would love to tell him all the milestones in our little family. Thank you for posting this. Tears are still streaming down my cheeks.

deb said...

my children are blessed to have grandparents loving them unconditionally ,

this touched me , because I need to remember how important it is.

emily wierenga said...

oh april.... this is SO well written. and it brought tears. my grandmother just passed away... and how i miss her. there is a hole, no? and it makes heaven seem all the closer and further at the same time. congratulations on your good news, sister, and thank you so much for linking. xo

emily wierenga said...

oh april.... this is SO well written. and it brought tears. my grandmother just passed away... and how i miss her. there is a hole, no? and it makes heaven seem all the closer and further at the same time. congratulations on your good news, sister, and thank you so much for linking. xo

emily wierenga said...

ps. i LOVE the title.

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