Saturday, May 30, 2009

Confession

I've been a poor blogger. I know. Especially the last 6 months or so. I have a decent excuse, though...
And that excuse is putting me on a plane early tomorrow morning and flying me to the USofA where I will make a covenant with a really great and beautiful man.
And here is my confession, that even as I plan to wed and even as I plan a banquet that will hopefully serve as a reminder of THE banquet we hope for, 2 little girls stood begging in front of me today, and, I confess, I forgot marriage and feasts and traveling.
I saw girls who were dirty and persistent even while being humiliated. Rachel spoke with one of them and we all tried to honor them, hoping that in their humiliation they would know that they have dignity.
And yesterday the little twins's mom came up to our room so that she could hear her daughter read. The mom said: I don't know one letter. I tried to imagine what she was feeling, the hope she has for her kids, how their lives might be different than her own, but also the shame because she herself is illiterate.
I gave the litte girl twin a hug and she held me a long time, rubbing my back...we were saying good-bye. At lunch we prayed together over our food because we'd been late for the group prayer.
And I confess, that in the face of so much hope, I sometimes feel hopeless. I confess that in my joy I am scared. I confess that in my love there are tears. And in contentment I've found how much I miss what I have lost. I miss the grandma who should be here, I miss the grandpa who should bless me.
I confess that amidst the blessing I still long, I still desire. And I am faced with the heart-cracking, blinding reality of how precious all this is.
How precious is a child...dirty and begging.
How worthy is a woman...illiterate and uneducated.
How pricelss is the embrace of a girl in whom there is no guile...innocent and sweet.
How unimaginably amazing is the mixture of hope and fear, of faith and desire, of love and trust...I open my hand, I lay down my life and I confess: I want to live.

4 comments:

angela said...

well...heart-wrenching and beautiful aren't really good enough words. i love this. thinking about you in this time of change.

Mel (AKA Dad, Grampa) said...

How precious.. We are so thankful for what God is doing through you and in you, sweet April. love you. mom & dad

Stephanie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Stephanie said...

I love reading your writing, it is completely honest and inspirational to how life should be lived, to never take the little things for granted.

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